ok so i was thinking about grade school and i thought "oh my goodness i have to bog about this!"
well i skipped kindergarten altogether..... first second third and fourth grades all went pretty well. i had lots of friends and lots of fun! even though i was the ugliest little girl ever! if you havent checked out my pics on this page, you really should... they are funny! i guess looks didnt matter to seven and eight year olds... and it shouldnt! even though we changed schools three times during that time, i still managed to make friends and have fun. anyways, fifth grade got kinda silly. we moved again and went to a private school in vancouver. i was so concerned about this one particular boy thinking i was cool (he was never going to think i was cool, i wish i could have just gotten that and saved my self lots of time and energy!) that i just couldnt be myself. i was trying to be what i thought he wanted.... then in sixth grade, i wanted to be like the "cool" girls with the perfect hair and the snazzy nordstrom clothing... which also was never going to happen, since we were in the poor house most my life. i remember being at recess and so concerned about my leaning tower of bangs falling over! why couldnt i just play foursquare and not worry about the fact that i didnt bring my travel size aqua net hair spray for emergencies! i also remember begging my parents for this esprit book bag that the "cool" girls had. but when i actually got it and brought it to school, i actually felt stupid for copying them. not how i was hoping to feel! seventh grade was even worse... i hit puberty over the summer and looked so different. furthermore i had just come from a private school and now i was in a huge public school where kids were always talking about parties and sex! i had no idea that i was supposed to know about that yet... i really thought it was crazy that my peers were so concerned with stuff like that. so i felt so out of place since i had nothing in common with anyone. i did run into a girl who i had been in school with a few years before and she befriended me. but seriously that year was the worst of my life! i dreaded going to school in the morning and sitting by myself at lunch. my sister had a different lunch than me so i didnt even have her! ok ok poor me.... anyways, moving on. so then eighth grade we go to some tiny private school with like 50 kids from second grade to twelfth and i was actually able to be myself. this time we were the worldly kids and everyone else was the home schooled sheltered folk. ( back then if you were home schooled you were really sheltered, nowadays it isnt so much that way)  i didnt have to worry about someone thinking i wasnt cool, simply because most people didnt know what "cool" supposedly meant. then high school happened.... another new school in a whole nother area! i went through lots of depression and lots of mistakes...  seriously that was the worst idea ever to move around from town to town and expect your kids to maintain sanity! i hope i dont ever put my kids through that or let them be so self conscious that they cease to be children! not that i think those are the only reasons why i felt like that... but they certainly didnt help me at all. i wasnt born to be "cool" i was born to love and be loved, if only i would have known that and focused more on the important things in life instead of the surface.of course i have learned a lot from what i had to go through as a kid, but it was hard then. i laugh now when i reminisce at my nutty life, but at the time i was not laughing at all.