what does it take to really wake myself up? and stop talking about things and actually do them? when will my heart and my hands actually be in sync and learn to listen? nothing is more depressing than living for myself. that simply isnt what I was made for. how can we be fulfilled by that? i dont want my purpose to be "happy" that is not my main concern. what i want to see is my life being used how God would want me to be. making a difference in others lives for him. i feel like there is so much inside me that i havent been using, so much potential that i see but dont tap into entriely. how sad is that? isnt that selfish? to keep for yourself what God has given you to share. i want to be persistent with purpose and not give in to the lazy lifestyle of contentment with mediocrity. it seems so much easier, but honestly i think it is harder. at least more empty.