i have so many thoughts and notes i write down during the day from reading and when i go back over them to try and combine them and make it understandable to someone else, i cannot. i think maybe i am dyslexic... that may sound silly at first, but seriously. there are different degrees of it and i clearly am on the lower end, but this really does seem to explain a lot of my learning patterns and growing up in school. the definition explained that it isnt an intellectual problem, meaning that anyone can have this trouble. not just undereducated or something like that, that isnt the reason.  justin and i were reading about dyslexia, and the whole time i was saying "yes, thats me" " oh my goodness, im not stupid, just dyslexic, hooray!" well he had to read it and tell me what it meant because i just couldnt figure it out by reading it. even writing this to you and trying to organize my thoughts in my head and put them on paper or computer (whatever) is making my head spin and my eyes bug out! i am good with interpersonal relational communication but not so much taking in complex abstract idea. for instance the last sentence.... i am still trying to figure out what i said.

in high school or even college i remember never wanting to answer a question out loud. i had the idea in my head but then when i thought of putting my hand up, i got all confused and had no idea what was running through my head. this is a line i copied from the description.  symptoms in other domains such as poor short tern memory skills, poor personal organizational skills and problems processing spoken language. ummm that is me!!i have a terrible short term memory (just ask justin, it is nearly unbelievable) i cannot be organized, i feel like my mind is in constant chaos. and then with processing spoken language, that happens all the time. justin will tell me something and i have to ask him like 3 or 5 times what he was saying. like i hear him but my brain is still processing the first word he said and he is onto the 8th word. especially in school or church services. if i dont take notes i probably wouldnt be able to tell you any details about the sermon. you might have to remind me of what subject he was even talking about. i hear it all and i laugh at all the jokes and nod my head in agreement but i couldnt for the life of me spit out anything if the teacher or preacher called on me! and if the speech is longer than twenty minutes i gotta get up at least once because i can barely stand sitting that long just listening to someone talk. if it is an interactive group then that is totally different.

well i think it is interesting to learn about how the mind and emotions all work. i like to try and figure out why i do the things i do and other people to. i think it helps me grow and relate better to people.and not feel super nutty!

some of this is probably due to my personality, being an odd mix of sanguine and some other stuff, but then i dont think that is the only reason. i am sure that what i have described is fairly normal for some, and many people have some of these same tendencies, but i guess i feel a little kooky and kind of was encouraged to read that I am not just a loonatic all by myself (= my best friend is somewhat like me and we are both artists and i thought maybe she would have these same tendencies and so i called her and asked her. expecting her to say "oh totally, i do that too" but no, she doesnt do any of the same things!!! that is when i thought it might not just be due to personality.

i also pasted this line from the description....Acquired dyslexias occur due to brain damage in the left hemisphere's key ... so maybe it is just from all the pot smoking back in my teens....