hearing dahlia scream is one of the saddest things I have ever heard!! I have heard other babies when they cry, and it is nothing compared to her wailing!!! whenever I put her down for a nap her little lip starts to quiver and curl under..... then she takes one huge breath and screams at the top of her lungs what's going on!!!  ok just kidding (= but she does scream until I come back in to comfort her about 5 minutes later! it is torture! but it is the only way she will go to sleep. as soon as I pick her up she is fine. and then I lay her down again and she starts smiling and wants to play.... but I don't give in! it is so hard to see someone you love so much cry so hard and you cant explain it to them! I am looking forward to when I can tell her in words she can understand that I love her and would never hurt her!!
As a first time mom there is a lot to get used to. It took a couple of months to get a handle on what it takes to be Dahlias mom.. what she needs and how she needs it. I have enjoyed learning all about her and motherhood!!! I am sure that I seem a little overly concerned about many things now, but I don't think that is wrong. I am new at this, I want the best for her. If I don't feel comfortable with a situation regarding dahlia, then I will not enjoy myself until I feel she is secure. My number one focus is her safety and health and if there is any question about that, I would rather sacrifice my desires and selfishness to make sure I am doing what is best for her.. even if it only what I think is best for her.... nonetheless.... I am her mother and I dont think anyone would disagree with the fact that is my job(= I knew before I had Dahlia what the basics of being a mother were, but until I experienced it actually myself I really couldn't know. I guess I am less selfish now. kinda like when you get married you arent just concerned with yourself anymore, but also your spouse.... and now a third for me, Dahlia. If she needs me I have to put whatever I am doing on hold and respond, and I love it! I love being needed! I love being able to serve her even when she doesnt serve me in return, she doesnt need to do anything for me... and I even forgive her when she poops all over me and pukes on me and wakes me up in the middle of the night.... she doesnt know what she is doing.. how could I not forgive her(= I would love her no matter what, she is my baby!! I gave her life! Just like how God loves us! It is just so amazing how things become clearer and clearer about purpose in life the more I live and love! life isnt about me, its about everyone else!