This is not what we were hoping for. two children was enough for us and we were doing all we could (obviously not enough) to prevent this from happening, but here it is and it will be ok.

i took the test in the middle of the night since that is when i woke up and i couldnt wait till morning. i nearly fell over when i saw the results. possibly from being very tired, but also i was in shock. i took it out into the living room for better lighting and sure enough, that is a plus sign! justin heard me get up so he knew i knew one way or the other when i came back. i cried for a while that night and we both didnt sleep much either, but once the shock wore off, we were alright. 

when i suspected i might be pregnant, i decided not to take a test for at least a week. so that gave me lots of time to get used to the idea if it were true. i dont think i got used to the idea necessarily, but maybe a little more prepared for the outcome. i thought that i would be very stressed out for a month or more... honestly i really didnt think i was going to do very well. but it really only took me a few days to have peace about it. the biggest stresses really for me are crazy hormones while pregnant and breastfeeding. i have been normal and sane for a while now and just having that ripped right out from under me is quite frightening!! also being a mom to my beautiful children is wonderful and i cherish every moment, but i have other passions too that i would like to pursue and another child is certainly going to push that back a bit. which is fine, but mentally i had to deal with that a lot since finding out we are pregnant again. 

at this point we are eight weeks along and very excited about having another beautiful child in our family! God has blessed us and we cant wait to meet our little baby soon!