i have a lot of things on my mind but i never get the time to write about them. in my journal i write thoughts here and there, but when i go back over them to make sense of them, it is too much work.

so basically i have been thinking a lot about christians and what that means. so many people call themselves christians but what they are really meaning by that is " i asked jesus into my heart when i was 5, but havent talked to him since" or " i think the bible is true, therefore i am safe" . im sorry to burst your bubble if you are one of theses types, but a christian is a "christ follower" dont you agree? for some reason "christian" gets too flippently used nowadays. i think if we started calling each other "Christ followers" it might make us think a little more about what we are claiming to be.

Jesus is who i strive to be like, Jesus is who i follow. if we dont have Jesus then we might as well call ourselves "oprah followers" and throw in the towel. everyone follows something, but who are we willing to die for? 

my heart longs and aches for more from life. no matter how much i try to squeeze out the goodness from myself, i come up dry. no matter how far i dig to find the purest joy worldliness can find i come up empty... no matter how hard i try to muster up the strength to be good all by myself, i fail. is there any reason for me to go on falling for myself. as if somehow i will think myself into godliness and be at the top.