Rushing wind blow through this temple,

Blowing out the dust within,

Come and breathe you breath upon me,

Ive been born again.

Holy spirit, I surrender, take me where you want to go,

Plant me by your living water,

Plant me deep so I can grow.

Jesus, youre the one, who sets my spirit free,

Use me lord, glorify, your holy name through me.

Separate me from this world lord.

Sanctify my life for you.

Daily change me to your image,

Help me bear good fruit.

Every day youre drawing closer.

Trials come to test my faith.

But when all is said and done lord,

You know, it was worth the wait.

Jesus, youre the one, who set my spirit free,

Use me lord, glorify, your holy name through me.

Rushing wind blow through this temple,

Blowing out the dust within,

Come and breathe you breath upon me,

For Ive been born again.

this was written by keith green, one of my all time favorites. he is from the 70's but i grew up listening to him so it is in me i guess. anyways this song i was listening to today and i said to myself, "that is so my heart!"  such a good song.

i was reading today in my Bible and in the explanation part of James (i have a life application bible which i think is great) it read,

"In the christian life there are trials and temptations. successfully overcoming these adversities produces maturity and strong character"

why do people just want to skip over the trial part or the learning part and we just want to get to the point. we know that during the trial it is always hard but that after we come through it we will be much wiser and see things clearly, so why do we fight it EVERY TIME!

for instance reading a book. i love to read good books. not so much novels or fiction. but i have a problem with reading books from the beginning to the end. that is so BORING. i have to start randomly wherever i open it to and then i skip around and from chapter to chapter, maybe not even reading each chapter completely through. i typically read the end first and the beginning last, hoping to get whatever goods there is in there right away and not have to spend so much time with all the bla bla bla.

that probably sounds totally insane to some of you. my husband for one is not a fan of how i do this. he just doesnt understand, but i cant understand how he can read "SQL hacks" and be excited about it! 

anyways, i was realizing that this was a good analogy for going through trials. i just want to get to the end so i can see the good or exciting part and learn everything all at once, but it doesnt work that way. we must experience the trial to get the most out of it, yes God will give us wisdom if we ask him for it, but we can just pick up a box of wisdom or a basket of knowledge the next time we are at the market, it takes time to become this wise and patient person. during times of growth it feels like it may take forever to get to the end, but once you are there it was all worth it and you look back as if it were a mere moment. i can only learn so much at any given time anyhow, so rushing it doesnt create maturity any faster. so this next trial (and book) i go through, i think i will try to patiently wait out the bla bla bla and expect that maturity will come once i have reached the conclusion.

 

first of all i love my kids sooo much, there is no doubt that i totally enjoy being with them. but sometimes i must hide from them (= a while back i posted something funny about moms and needing to hide from the kids, i thought it was funny when i read it, but then i realized how stinkin true it is!

during the day if they are playing by themselves i try to sneak away or quietly do something nearby. i cannot ever sit at the dining table or on the couch to read a book to myself, that is unheard of! or folding laundry in the living room or organizing. the kitchen doesnt bother them so much, as long as i am a busy bee they dont bother me, but once we make eye contact then the whining starts! i usually must be out of site for them to not be interested in me. so if they come barreling down the hall waving books in the air, i calmy leap over the gate and hide between the closet doors till they pass.....or if i am brave i sneak into my room (which is right by their door) and clean or something.... but our door handles are so noisy i rarely get away with that one.

it just cracks me up that i literally hide from my children!

justin spoke again at church. a couple of the things that he talked about were wisdom and making the most of every opportunity.

i was reading today in my Bible and in the explanation part of James (i have a life application bible which i think is great) it read,

"In the christian life there are trials and temptations. successfully overcoming these adversities produces maturity and strong character"

so if we dont go through trouble then we arent going to grow. it seems silly to wish life were easy then, i dont see how we would gain anything if life was that way. so many times we complain when we are going through something frustrating, but once we get through it we know we will see clearly, so why do we fight it? the old testament is full of people who went through trial after trial, i am just thankful we dont live till we are 800 years old!

then in james i was reading...

"if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

if we need wisdom and dont know what to do in life all we need to do is seek him and ask for it. who else would have better wisdom than God? he gave us this book to gain knowledge from but then sometimes we think we can get wisdom from tv or something far less holy. we can learn from all kinds of people and booksof course, but God says if we ask him he will give us wisdom.  looking for it other places isnt the key to success in life.

i have always liked ephesians, well most of the new testament anyhow. but in ephesians 5:15 it says

"be very careful how you live, not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." 

just because we have Jesus doesnt mean we can live flippantly and carelessly live for ourselves. he isnt our free ticket into heaven, there is more to it. he calls us to be holy and wise and to keep our standards high and to act wisely. there is no time for foolishness and careless living. every day we have to evaluate our lives and priorities and make sure it lines up with the Bible. sometimes it seems like we have so much time on earth but we really dont. we arent guaranteed another day even, we are called to be holy and live our lives for his glory..... he could take me tomorrow and i would have to give an account of every wasted moment to him.

i dont want to do activities or service acts just to chalk another one up for me, i want my heart to be right and not to procrastinate with this small amount of time that i have to make a difference.loving God and loving people is what is important.

many times at funerals we evaluate our lives and what we are doing and it makes us think about what people will say when we die. but are we really concerned about what Jesus will say when we come to heaven? or are we more concerned with having the most flowers on our tombstone or the largest funeral and the most tears shed? or getting on oprah because you gave the most money or free stuff to the poor. is all of this in vain? are we serving for Jesus and Jesus alone? do we love people because we want them to love us or are we loving them because jesus loves them?

we are called to be wise and holy and make the most of our lives, i encourage us who call ourselves christ followers to truly follow Jesus by loving and serving others for his glory.

i have so many thoughts and notes i write down during the day from reading and when i go back over them to try and combine them and make it understandable to someone else, i cannot. i think maybe i am dyslexic... that may sound silly at first, but seriously. there are different degrees of it and i clearly am on the lower end, but this really does seem to explain a lot of my learning patterns and growing up in school. the definition explained that it isnt an intellectual problem, meaning that anyone can have this trouble. not just undereducated or something like that, that isnt the reason.  justin and i were reading about dyslexia, and the whole time i was saying "yes, thats me" " oh my goodness, im not stupid, just dyslexic, hooray!" well he had to read it and tell me what it meant because i just couldnt figure it out by reading it. even writing this to you and trying to organize my thoughts in my head and put them on paper or computer (whatever) is making my head spin and my eyes bug out! i am good with interpersonal relational communication but not so much taking in complex abstract idea. for instance the last sentence.... i am still trying to figure out what i said.

in high school or even college i remember never wanting to answer a question out loud. i had the idea in my head but then when i thought of putting my hand up, i got all confused and had no idea what was running through my head. this is a line i copied from the description.  symptoms in other domains such as poor short tern memory skills, poor personal organizational skills and problems processing spoken language. ummm that is me!!i have a terrible short term memory (just ask justin, it is nearly unbelievable) i cannot be organized, i feel like my mind is in constant chaos. and then with processing spoken language, that happens all the time. justin will tell me something and i have to ask him like 3 or 5 times what he was saying. like i hear him but my brain is still processing the first word he said and he is onto the 8th word. especially in school or church services. if i dont take notes i probably wouldnt be able to tell you any details about the sermon. you might have to remind me of what subject he was even talking about. i hear it all and i laugh at all the jokes and nod my head in agreement but i couldnt for the life of me spit out anything if the teacher or preacher called on me! and if the speech is longer than twenty minutes i gotta get up at least once because i can barely stand sitting that long just listening to someone talk. if it is an interactive group then that is totally different.

well i think it is interesting to learn about how the mind and emotions all work. i like to try and figure out why i do the things i do and other people to. i think it helps me grow and relate better to people.and not feel super nutty!

some of this is probably due to my personality, being an odd mix of sanguine and some other stuff, but then i dont think that is the only reason. i am sure that what i have described is fairly normal for some, and many people have some of these same tendencies, but i guess i feel a little kooky and kind of was encouraged to read that I am not just a loonatic all by myself (= my best friend is somewhat like me and we are both artists and i thought maybe she would have these same tendencies and so i called her and asked her. expecting her to say "oh totally, i do that too" but no, she doesnt do any of the same things!!! that is when i thought it might not just be due to personality.

i also pasted this line from the description....Acquired dyslexias occur due to brain damage in the left hemisphere's key ... so maybe it is just from all the pot smoking back in my teens....