Venessa just had her baby tonite (6/21) a little after 9:30. Aloria Elena weighed 8 pounds 7 oz.  Kudos to Venessa for getting through it without any drugs!!! What a trooper! Hopefully we'll get some pictures soon.

hearing dahlia scream is one of the saddest things I have ever heard!! I have heard other babies when they cry, and it is nothing compared to her wailing!!! whenever I put her down for a nap her little lip starts to quiver and curl under..... then she takes one huge breath and screams at the top of her lungs what's going on!!!  ok just kidding (= but she does scream until I come back in to comfort her about 5 minutes later! it is torture! but it is the only way she will go to sleep. as soon as I pick her up she is fine. and then I lay her down again and she starts smiling and wants to play.... but I don't give in! it is so hard to see someone you love so much cry so hard and you cant explain it to them! I am looking forward to when I can tell her in words she can understand that I love her and would never hurt her!!
As a first time mom there is a lot to get used to. It took a couple of months to get a handle on what it takes to be Dahlias mom.. what she needs and how she needs it. I have enjoyed learning all about her and motherhood!!! I am sure that I seem a little overly concerned about many things now, but I don't think that is wrong. I am new at this, I want the best for her. If I don't feel comfortable with a situation regarding dahlia, then I will not enjoy myself until I feel she is secure. My number one focus is her safety and health and if there is any question about that, I would rather sacrifice my desires and selfishness to make sure I am doing what is best for her.. even if it only what I think is best for her.... nonetheless.... I am her mother and I dont think anyone would disagree with the fact that is my job(= I knew before I had Dahlia what the basics of being a mother were, but until I experienced it actually myself I really couldn't know. I guess I am less selfish now. kinda like when you get married you arent just concerned with yourself anymore, but also your spouse.... and now a third for me, Dahlia. If she needs me I have to put whatever I am doing on hold and respond, and I love it! I love being needed! I love being able to serve her even when she doesnt serve me in return, she doesnt need to do anything for me... and I even forgive her when she poops all over me and pukes on me and wakes me up in the middle of the night.... she doesnt know what she is doing.. how could I not forgive her(= I would love her no matter what, she is my baby!! I gave her life! Just like how God loves us! It is just so amazing how things become clearer and clearer about purpose in life the more I live and love! life isnt about me, its about everyone else!

We all know that eventually death will come. If not before, definately by age 100. We all know its coming but somehow it feels so unreal.... like we will just keep living on and on and on with out little itty bitty lives on earth. My dad's dad passed away several years ago and it was a weird feeling. I was in the room just minutes before and after. After he died his body was just a body, I actually noticed a difference from when he was alive! I was emotional... happy but sad. Thankfully he asked Jesus into his heart shortly before he passed away!! but other than that I havent had anyone close to me leave this earth.
well my grandma wasnt doing very well these past few months. in and out of the hospital, having heart attacks like once a week. Then a couple of weeks ago, she took a turn for the worst. Everyone know that it was just a matter of time before she was going to fall asleep and not wake up. So my mother and her sister took turns taking care of her at her home for the past three weeks. this last week she couldnt eat or drink anything and didnt respond to anyone. it was like she was already gone. finally friday night she went to sleep forever. Obviously we all knew it was going to happen, but it is still such a saddening time to let go of someone you love! She is in heaven now though and doesn't have to be in all that pain! It made me even more sad to think about my mother someday dying. and how i might have to take care of her like that! That will be so hard! I love my mother so much and just dont want to think about it!!! She truly is the most wonderful person ever! I dont think I would have any sanity or faith without her in my life....... i think as sad as fuberals can be, everyone needs to rethink life every now and then.

We've been thinking a lot about moving. We looked at Portland first, but we realized, everything was too expensive or too ghetto, or both. So we turned our attention to Vancouver, but everywhere there is either too bland, or Gwen has had a "not so happy" experience there. We thought about Olympia, but we want to stay in this area for another year or three. We'd love to stay in this house but with Justin working at home and the lil Punkin here, it's a tad small. Oh yes and the bus stops about 77 times a day..... you may think that we are exaggerating.. but we assure you that we are not!!!! there is a bus stop on our side of the street and one on the other... at least 2 buses per side per hour... uhh ya... tell us about it! so we were starting to get frustrated, but then we realized that this really is a nice neighborhood! Behind us is Mt. Tabor and all around are great old houses. It does start to get a little ghetto the further you go towards 82nd ave, but we steer clear of that. We also have a lovely view of Mt. St Helens since our house is elevated slightly. Taking walks during the day with all three of us have been so great, dahlia falls asleep and we check out the area real estate.

So we may move if some compelling reason drives us somewhere. But we'll be content to stay here for a little while longer. The good news is Justin's job allows him to live wherever we want!