ok so i was thinking about grade school and i thought "oh my goodness i have to bog about this!"
well i skipped kindergarten altogether..... first second third and fourth grades all went pretty well. i had lots of friends and lots of fun! even though i was the ugliest little girl ever! if you havent checked out my pics on this page, you really should... they are funny! i guess looks didnt matter to seven and eight year olds... and it shouldnt! even though we changed schools three times during that time, i still managed to make friends and have fun. anyways, fifth grade got kinda silly. we moved again and went to a private school in vancouver. i was so concerned about this one particular boy thinking i was cool (he was never going to think i was cool, i wish i could have just gotten that and saved my self lots of time and energy!) that i just couldnt be myself. i was trying to be what i thought he wanted.... then in sixth grade, i wanted to be like the "cool" girls with the perfect hair and the snazzy nordstrom clothing... which also was never going to happen, since we were in the poor house most my life. i remember being at recess and so concerned about my leaning tower of bangs falling over! why couldnt i just play foursquare and not worry about the fact that i didnt bring my travel size aqua net hair spray for emergencies! i also remember begging my parents for this esprit book bag that the "cool" girls had. but when i actually got it and brought it to school, i actually felt stupid for copying them. not how i was hoping to feel! seventh grade was even worse... i hit puberty over the summer and looked so different. furthermore i had just come from a private school and now i was in a huge public school where kids were always talking about parties and sex! i had no idea that i was supposed to know about that yet... i really thought it was crazy that my peers were so concerned with stuff like that. so i felt so out of place since i had nothing in common with anyone. i did run into a girl who i had been in school with a few years before and she befriended me. but seriously that year was the worst of my life! i dreaded going to school in the morning and sitting by myself at lunch. my sister had a different lunch than me so i didnt even have her! ok ok poor me.... anyways, moving on. so then eighth grade we go to some tiny private school with like 50 kids from second grade to twelfth and i was actually able to be myself. this time we were the worldly kids and everyone else was the home schooled sheltered folk. ( back then if you were home schooled you were really sheltered, nowadays it isnt so much that way)  i didnt have to worry about someone thinking i wasnt cool, simply because most people didnt know what "cool" supposedly meant. then high school happened.... another new school in a whole nother area! i went through lots of depression and lots of mistakes...  seriously that was the worst idea ever to move around from town to town and expect your kids to maintain sanity! i hope i dont ever put my kids through that or let them be so self conscious that they cease to be children! not that i think those are the only reasons why i felt like that... but they certainly didnt help me at all. i wasnt born to be "cool" i was born to love and be loved, if only i would have known that and focused more on the important things in life instead of the surface.of course i have learned a lot from what i had to go through as a kid, but it was hard then. i laugh now when i reminisce at my nutty life, but at the time i was not laughing at all.

i am feeling so much better! i am in week 12 now and this is when the sickness started to decrease last time. i am so excited! i actually cleaned the kitchen the other day and did some laundry(= i also feel like eating now which is really good. im trying to pack on the calories, but it just isnt that easy.... i have cut back breastfeeding in half so far, and hope to be done within the next two weeks. it has been such a smooth transition for dahlia and that has been a blessing! she loves the bottle!
she just started crawling this week too, just in time for me to feel like chasing her around. a week ago that would have been so hard, but now it isnt so bad. she is just so curious.. she has to check out everything! last night about 5 am i thought i heard some rattling in her room,( i always think i hear things) but after about 15 minutes i went to check on dahlia, she was up on her knees holding onto the crib railing... it was so cute! she never wakes up like that early especially without making lots of noise. she was wide awake.... i guess life is more exciting now that she can get around better, so there is no time to waste (= i dont think she will be walking for a while though.... her feet are so tiny i dont know how she could possibly hold herself up! i can still put her in newborn shoes! she is so petite! i love it!
i hung out with some of my girlfriends today with their little babies and my friend melody has a two month old. so precious! so tiny! the funny thing was that he was 14 lbs and dahlia is about 17, but of course he was way smaller since he is so new. it was so fun to hold a new baby again, i really had forgotten what it was like. i cant believe dahlia was ever that small... even smaller! i am so looking forward to this new baby coming... i hope dahlia will love it too! my friend melody also has a 17month old... which is about what dahlia will be when we have a new baby.... she said it is actually easier having both of them than it was with just the first..... i am hoping i feel that way too! but either way i am not worried about it at all. the first time around i was a totally new mother, this time i have a little more experience! (=